Lying in bed with the lights off, watching the room go in and out of focus while my eyes try to adjust to the darkness.

That is when I can remember the feeling. Like someone took an ice cream scoop and just dug around in my chest, right behind my sternum, and served it up like a nice two scoop cone for someone else to take.

During the day I feel it, sometimes. A dull ache, like there is something I was supposed to do but can’t quite remember. But I get caught up in life- forcing myself to see place, to do things, to be. I fill up that empty hole with experiences and distractions until it stops distracting me, and I can smile and the missing piece isn’t in the forefront of my mind for a while.

And then, lying in bed with the lights off, watching the room go in and out of focus while my eyes try to adjust to the darkness, the dull ache comes full force and suddenly I feel like a 1,000 piece puzzle that is missing the piece that brings it all together.